Question Submitted: My boyfriend ghosted me for 2 days - Why?

So you, dear reader, can have the proper context I'll write the question which was shortened in the interest of the title of the blog. 

Question: "Hi my boyfriend of 7 months is going through divorce which is almost finished but 2 days ago he ghosted me. Why?"

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’ll do my best to help you. First though, how do you know you’re actually ghosted? It’s only been two days.

He’s filed for divorce before you met, and you’re in a relationship which sounds like he is serious about you, so maybe he’s been busy and just hasn’t had time to communicate or respond due to being consumed with things he’s involved in.

While it is true that some men will test women to gauge their responses while they’re dating (he’ll think: what have I got to look forward to for the next 50 years married to this other woman?) he may just be busy. Or, perhaps he is just dealing with a family situation. Or consumed with work. There could be a number of reasons.

Let’s say he’s told you he “needs space.” That is not being ghosted, that’s just him actually needing space. A request for space doesn’t necessarily mean he’s losing interest. Most men don’t intentionally lie to women about needing space, being busy, etc., so if he’s made a request such as this I wouldn’t take it as a personal affront. Just trying to cover all your possible bases to help you.

If you’ve been ignored and you’re watching him post fun things on Facebook while you’re sitting there wondering what’s up, that isn’t cool. It could be that he’s stressed about his divorce, as divorces for a man can sometimes feel like a loss of a loved one even though their marriage might be miserable. Sometimes just before a divorce a man will start rethinking the decision to divorce, in which case it’s best to give him space.

If you bug him, he’ll just view it as pressure. Pressure causes even more pulling away. It’ll become a cycle of pressure > pulling away so don’t pressure. Pressure by you, and pressure on the end of the one receiving the pressure is never enjoyable. 

The thing is, maybe he needs some time to wrap his brain around the divorce, maybe he's even feeling a little sad. After all, he spent a good amount of time married to his wife. At one time they loved each other enough to agree to marry. Even if their relationship is such now that they are in agreement that the marriage is over, that's still his wife.

I know you said he had filed for divorce before you ever met, but he's still married and will be until he's divorced. It would make sense to be respectful of him as well as his wife and give space. I know it's tough to imagine that a big, strong man has deeply profound feelings but men are actually very sensitive. Give him space, wait for him to reach out and be respectful of the silent boundary he's created.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published